There’s a half-moon smilin’ over Half Moon Bay
I’m eatin’ oysters on the half shell for my birthday
You see, I just turned fifty, but it don’t seem fair,
‘Cause no matter how you slice it, man, I’m halfway there.

I was sayin’ this morning to my better half
Thinkin’ ‘bout half-lives makes me laugh.
Don’t need carbon dating to tell my age -
Just look at all the ways the world has changed.

We’ve gone from bobby socks to X-Box
JFK to Y2K
Playboy to cyberporn
From Ozzie Nelson to Osborne

Now I’m starin’ at a clock readin’ half-past,
Feelin’ like my efforts have been half-assed
Like I’m playin’ in some half-hearted halftime show
Stuck a half-beat behind the video.

Wonder where those old bands and their studios went,
We went from half-track to four bits to 50 Cent.
By the time your new recording is all complete,
Odds are fifty-fifty, it’s obsolete.

Now there’s a half-pint dude with a saxophone
Blowin’ hemidemisemiquaver half-tones;
Got some semi-sweet chocolate and a demijohn,
And my semicentennial is on!

We’ve gone from black lights to terabytes
Hash pipes to half-pipes
Flintstones to South Park
From Dick Clark to...Dick Clark? (Wait a minute!)

The glass is half-empty or it’s half-full
And this song is semi-autobiographical
So I’ll write a nice ending to start my year
And be the happiest fella in the hemisphere.

‘Cause there’s a half-moon smilin’ over Half Moon Bay
I’m squeezin’ lotta livin’ into every day;
If I die tomorrow, then my epitaph’ll say
“He lived a full life, though he only got half.”